The transition to being a stay at home mom

I was always one of those women who thought that she would have it all; career, marriage, family.  I had assumed that I would work, and the babies would go the sitters house.  Made sense to me, it was what had to be done to achieve the American Dream. 

I have worked since I was 14.  My first job was in a bakery and I worked there until I graduated high school.  Work paid for car insurance, gas, clothes, movies, and all the other stuff teenagers do.  In college I worked full time to pay for school, rent, food, gas, and other stuff that college students do.  Upon graduation I worked.  Even during times of unemployment I worked.  My favorite was the summer I spent volunteering at Mt. Rainer.  I would do that again in a heart beat.  I can't recall a time where I didn't work.  Work equaled money, money equaled being able to live.

Even before I got pregnant we had talked about me staying home.  I figured that I would continue to work until we had accomplished all we wanted financially: two cars, a house, a nice TV and gaming system (Yes, I wanted an Xbox).  Baby would go to the sitters for a few years, then I would quit and stay home.  I wanted to stay home, but I also wanted the American Dream for my baby.  Funny how God changes things.

My heart was stirring.  As my pregnancy progressed I kept feeling called to stay home.  Not just a little call, but a blasting from the Lord that was loud and clear.  I still wanted a house.  I still wanted the stuff I thought would make use happy.  The apartments we lived in were not great.  The layout stunk, and they were small.  I kept tripping over baby stuff and we had no room to live.  Not to mention we were in Crime Central for Eugene.  Homeless camps were in the woods near our apartment and a lot of them were registered sex offenders. 

When I went back to work I expected it to be hard.  I was pumping to provide milk for the sitter and that was not fun.  I didn't not expect my desire to be with my baby to grow stronger each day.  I expected it to diminish to a dull roar so I could focus on my job.  I enjoyed my job and I was good at it.  I was able to use my degree and it was good fit job wise.  I wasn't ready to quit.  As with all things, when I dug my heals in God got creative.

There was some drama at work.  Nothing bad, but after talking to Nate we saw the writing on the wall. My time at work was coming to an end.  I came to realize that Bug only need her parents and a safe place to live.  A very dear friend helped prompt us to give up the house dream (for now) and took look at different apartments so I could stay at home.  My plan was to ride it out the work drama till we had a down payment for a home and then quit.  God quickly pointed out that I was NOT being obedient.  I realized that if I stayed out of obedience to much longer the Lord was going to start with discipline.

Nate and I made the decision for me to quit and to move all around the same time.  We found a great apartment that we could afford, it had more square footage and was in a great neighborhood.  The kicker is that I have being working part time from home, and that will end at the end of the month.  God is good.  When you walk in obedience good things happen.  Money is tight, but we are learning how to be frugal.  I get to raise my daughter and see her grow.  I am amazed by her every day.

I still struggle with the not working.  I feel as if Nate is having to carry the burden of the household finances by himself.  Which is ok, because he supports me staying home but I have always been a pay my own way person.  I am starting to understand that just because I'm home doesn't mean that I have to be super mom.  My husband understands that getting up 2 to 3 times a night with a teething, growing baby means that the house isn't perfect.  I missed feeling challenged.  I was praying about this and I was convicted that my devotions were lacking.  God kept bringing me back to where he says to mediated on his word (Psalm 119).  God was telling me "I can challenge you!"  So I am diving back into a project I started last year.  Now I feel is the time to complete it.

I have gotten into a routine and my time with the Lord has been rewarded.  Being home has ended the conflict of finding hours to spend with Lord, my husband, my child, and work.  I use nap times for chores and study time.  Once she goes back to sleeping through the night I will start getting up earlier so I can have that early morning time.

I am looking forward to being able to sew and knit more.  I am also hoping to put together a Proverbs 31 woman study that doesn't make me roll my eyes.  Those who know me know that the dear sweet sister language used in a lot of women's studies makes me gag.  Not that people will use this study, I just wanted to do one.

I will be blogging a lot of it because writing helps me solidify things in my head.  I'm sharing this so my friends can see what is going with me.  Now that this is out, I will having something better next time. 

Mel