The transition to being a stay at home mom

I was always one of those women who thought that she would have it all; career, marriage, family.  I had assumed that I would work, and the babies would go the sitters house.  Made sense to me, it was what had to be done to achieve the American Dream. 

I have worked since I was 14.  My first job was in a bakery and I worked there until I graduated high school.  Work paid for car insurance, gas, clothes, movies, and all the other stuff teenagers do.  In college I worked full time to pay for school, rent, food, gas, and other stuff that college students do.  Upon graduation I worked.  Even during times of unemployment I worked.  My favorite was the summer I spent volunteering at Mt. Rainer.  I would do that again in a heart beat.  I can't recall a time where I didn't work.  Work equaled money, money equaled being able to live.

Even before I got pregnant we had talked about me staying home.  I figured that I would continue to work until we had accomplished all we wanted financially: two cars, a house, a nice TV and gaming system (Yes, I wanted an Xbox).  Baby would go to the sitters for a few years, then I would quit and stay home.  I wanted to stay home, but I also wanted the American Dream for my baby.  Funny how God changes things.

My heart was stirring.  As my pregnancy progressed I kept feeling called to stay home.  Not just a little call, but a blasting from the Lord that was loud and clear.  I still wanted a house.  I still wanted the stuff I thought would make use happy.  The apartments we lived in were not great.  The layout stunk, and they were small.  I kept tripping over baby stuff and we had no room to live.  Not to mention we were in Crime Central for Eugene.  Homeless camps were in the woods near our apartment and a lot of them were registered sex offenders. 

When I went back to work I expected it to be hard.  I was pumping to provide milk for the sitter and that was not fun.  I didn't not expect my desire to be with my baby to grow stronger each day.  I expected it to diminish to a dull roar so I could focus on my job.  I enjoyed my job and I was good at it.  I was able to use my degree and it was good fit job wise.  I wasn't ready to quit.  As with all things, when I dug my heals in God got creative.

There was some drama at work.  Nothing bad, but after talking to Nate we saw the writing on the wall. My time at work was coming to an end.  I came to realize that Bug only need her parents and a safe place to live.  A very dear friend helped prompt us to give up the house dream (for now) and took look at different apartments so I could stay at home.  My plan was to ride it out the work drama till we had a down payment for a home and then quit.  God quickly pointed out that I was NOT being obedient.  I realized that if I stayed out of obedience to much longer the Lord was going to start with discipline.

Nate and I made the decision for me to quit and to move all around the same time.  We found a great apartment that we could afford, it had more square footage and was in a great neighborhood.  The kicker is that I have being working part time from home, and that will end at the end of the month.  God is good.  When you walk in obedience good things happen.  Money is tight, but we are learning how to be frugal.  I get to raise my daughter and see her grow.  I am amazed by her every day.

I still struggle with the not working.  I feel as if Nate is having to carry the burden of the household finances by himself.  Which is ok, because he supports me staying home but I have always been a pay my own way person.  I am starting to understand that just because I'm home doesn't mean that I have to be super mom.  My husband understands that getting up 2 to 3 times a night with a teething, growing baby means that the house isn't perfect.  I missed feeling challenged.  I was praying about this and I was convicted that my devotions were lacking.  God kept bringing me back to where he says to mediated on his word (Psalm 119).  God was telling me "I can challenge you!"  So I am diving back into a project I started last year.  Now I feel is the time to complete it.

I have gotten into a routine and my time with the Lord has been rewarded.  Being home has ended the conflict of finding hours to spend with Lord, my husband, my child, and work.  I use nap times for chores and study time.  Once she goes back to sleeping through the night I will start getting up earlier so I can have that early morning time.

I am looking forward to being able to sew and knit more.  I am also hoping to put together a Proverbs 31 woman study that doesn't make me roll my eyes.  Those who know me know that the dear sweet sister language used in a lot of women's studies makes me gag.  Not that people will use this study, I just wanted to do one.

I will be blogging a lot of it because writing helps me solidify things in my head.  I'm sharing this so my friends can see what is going with me.  Now that this is out, I will having something better next time. 

Mel

The Blog in which we discuss Half Marathons and the book I am reading ...

You might be asking yourself, "What exactly is a marathon?" I know is where a bunch of crazy people get together and run a lot. Sort of. Buckle up kiddos, Mel is going to give you a history lesson.

A marathon is a race that is 26.2 miles. The name Marathon comes from the Battle of Marathon that was fought way back in the day before your great grandpa, Greek times. It is from the legend of Pheidippides, a Greek messenger. He ran from the battle to the and burst into the Senate and said "We won!" (In my head it was much more redneck than that, don't ask why). After he made his exclamation, he died. So, now those of us who are crazy run 26.2 miles for fun.

I am only half crazy, so I want to do a half marathon. I will run 13.1 miles! I will not die, but I will eat pancakes when I'm done. Why? Because I don't eat them now because they are so tasty I eat like 20 of them. However, after a half marathon, its ok. I am sure you are asking "Mel, why do you want to do this? Are you crazy?" Um... yes? I want to be able to say I did it. Oh, and I will do it. In April. That is the Eugene Half Marathon. That and you get a medal. Who doesn't want a medal? Medals are cool.

Now on to something much more serious, reading. I am reading a book about Dietrich Bonhoffer. He was awesome. Even if you aren't a christian you would still respect this man. He was one of the few Germans who refused to be Hitler's sheep. That and his theological works are AMAZING! This man had a love for God's word and has a knowledge that I can only dream of. I love reading of his love for scripture and how he calls out the church for losing site of it.

His commentary on the church in America in the 1930s is spot on today. How it is all topical feel good nonsense. How we don't preach the gospel. I think that when I am done I will have to dedicate a few blogs to Bonhoffer. His mind was sharp and when the Nazis executed him the world lost a truly great man. However, what he inspired in those around him was truly astounding.

Here is to hoping that when I get to heaven I get to have pizza and beer with him and the apostle Paul. That would be epic.

Nothing to deep tonight, but just whats been in my head. :)

What I learned in Seattle

I was blessed to have been chosed to attend the Next Gen conference that my company puts on. This conference is for those that management has seen potential in and wants to provide them a way to learn what they need to move up in the company. When I was offered the job I have now I was just so grateful for God's provision. Sometimes I feel bad that others have been out of work for so long and I got the first job I applied for. God's hand was in this whole job thing, that is for sure.

Now, I spent Monday (Oct 31) to Friday (Nov 4) in Seattle, WA. I was in the company of upper management, the president and CEO of the company, and one of the owners. I learned that the people who own our company truly care about it's employees. Our benefits are some of the best I have ever seen. In fact, I get PAID maternity leave. I have a 401K that is matched pretty well.

We were given the chance to learn about generational differences. I now understand why my boss and I don't quite agree on how to do things. I also understand why people younger than me can't see the beauty that is The Princess Bride. Here is to hoping that their children will understand the epicness of ROUS'.

I also learned that they all can drink. I have never been where there has been an open bar on the company tab. That's right. Your's truly enjoyed beer on the company dime. Now mind you were are the hotel, but still. I'm pretty sure the bartender made bank off of us.

The highlight of the trip was Cougar boy. We had to introduce ourselves and he stated that he liked hunting cougars (as in big cats). Now being the adults that we are we totally made fun of him for hunting "cougars." Then, to top it off he was trying to put the moves on an older lady at the bar. I had to leave I was laughing so hard.

All joking aside, I have a new appriciation for the company I work for. They are the only one in our industry that has a program like this. They are also the only company that I know that does the right thing because its the right thing, not because the right thing is in their budget.

Now that I am home, I can focus on other things and will have another post soon. But I just wanted to let you all know I have an awesome job.

What do you mean I don't have a list?

I love checking things off a list. For my wedding, there were lists for my lists. I make lists at work, and I love checking things off that list. Grocery shopping, I have to have a list or we end up with Good and Plenties and no toilet paper. I am an unashamed list maker. It is hard, sometimes, to have a God who doesn't make me keep a list. How am I supposed to check stuff off if I have no list? The anguish, the worry, the wondering... Am I saved?

I don't doubt my salvation. I believe in God in 3 persons. I believe He sent his Son to die for me, and I believe that He rose from the grave. (I may joke about Jesus being the first recorded zombie, but I'm only joking). My flesh cries out to be a part of this. To take my filthy rags that I want to call righteousness to God and say "See Lord! Look at what I did!" Like a child going to its dad with a finger painting. Only my finger painting is like poo, worse than poo! I love how the heavenly father, our Goel (redeemer!) says to me "Mel, you don't need to do anything more. I've got this."

This comes because I have been reading Galatians and I'm a Martha. I'm pretty sure Paul would have been my homeboy, and he wouldn't have approved of me using that term but would have let it slide because he's cool like that. I love Paul's letters, they are straight forward and he pulls no punches. He doesn't sugar coat the issue, he dives right in. The Galatians were being foolish (Paul said so, Galatians 3:1) because they had gotten caught up in having a list. (I would have so been a Galatian) There list included circumcision and other Jewish customs that they were being told they had to do if they wanted salvation.

How I love Paul. He lays down the gauntlet. He says "Look, Really? Do you not remember who I am? (Insert Paul's testimony). Now that we have got that taken care of. If we could be saved by the law then Christ died for nothing." To wrap it up, Paul points out that our lists, our good works, aren't what save us. I am very excited to see how Paul wraps this up. So far, I have learned that faith (trust in someone), justification (being made right), and righteousness (morally right) come from God. Not from me. My justification before God comes from the fact that I am seen as he sees Jesus. How? Because Jesus was the lamb, because he went to the cross, because he died for me and you, and everyone.

I just started chapter 3 in Galatians and I'm excited to see what else Paul shares with this church. Nate and I have decided that we need to stay home more. This gives me more time to dig in the word. To crush the grapes of truth so I can get the wine of comfort (I totally stole that from Spurgeon). I am just glad to be reminded that I don't need a list with God. All I need with God is to get to know him, to allow him to be my Goel.

Yep, the tomboy is finally starting to understand the romance in scripture.

You want me to what????

So there I was. Feeling all bad ass about myself because I've done this before. I conquered warrior dash last year. This year, its on. Right? WRONG! Nothing like being made to eat humble pie over and over! First of all, I've gained back all the weight I lost. I have decided that newlywed weight is BS and it has to come off. Mostly because if I am going clothes shopping it is not because I need a larger size. Second, I want to own warrior dash next year.


You might be thinking, but you finished right? Well, yes. I did. However, I couldn't do some of the obstacles because of my knee and the fact that I didn't have the upper body strength. (there were only two that I went around). All is not lost though. I did learn some lessons and practical applications from attempting to kill myself. Here is what I learned.


1. Physical obsticals are great metaphors for mental ones. It is very easy to say I can't. How do we know we can't? Have we even attempted the thing that we are afraid off? For me, fear is what leads me to say I can't. It is easier to sit on the sidelines and wish for what could have been, then to take that leap of faith. Where does the strength come from to surmount our fears, our obstacles?


What was pointed out to me over and over during Saturday was that all things are possible through Christ. Bear with me on this, it will make sense. Nate stayed with me the whole time. I know that he wants to run it, but I love him for staying with me and cheering me on and not letting me give up. There was one obstical that I did and it scared the crap out of me. Platforms a few feet apart at varing heights. Yep, not my thing really. I got up on one and there was Nate he helped me over the rest. I had to put aside my pride and allow him to help me. If not I would have had to get off and go around. That would not have been cool. I finished, I made it over all the platforms, but not on my own and that is ok.

How often do we take that one step on to that first platform of faith and see the chasim between it and the next platform? How often do we step off and go well, I must not be called to do that because its too hard for me? Did we ask Jesus to step up and get us across the chasim? Did we allow our Savior to work thru us and show those around us his glory? Those chasims are not for us to cross on our own. They are for Jesus to come can carry us across. If we do it all on our own how can we show the world how powerful our God is? Just imagine what happens though when you cross the uncrossable because Jesus took you to the next platform.

In 1 Timothy 4:17 it says "but the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and that the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lions mouth." The thing that I need to remember most is that the Lord is at my side and He is my strength. He will be there.

2. I have an amazing husband. He is a godly man who points me towards God. We always seem to have deep conversations when we are driving somewhere, so I cherish the time that we have in the car. God is good.

Being Married

It will be three months tomorrow. Three months of marriage. I feel like it has been longer, but in a good way. The biggest thing I have learned is that marriage will teach you how to be others centered better than anything. One of my hardest issues is that I sometimes I forget that I don't always have to be the strong one. It is ok if I don't know all the answers. God has given me an amazing husband and I need to remember to allow him to be a husband.

Is it easy? Not always. If it was easy the divorce rate wouldn't be nearly as high. I love that Nate and I took the time to go through pre-marital counseling, but that we are honest with each other. We talk about money, children, family, and God (not in that order) all the time. I think this allows to remain on the same page. We don't always agree, but we always come to an agreement.

For example, God has blessed Nate with a gift of finance management, and sometimes I have to be reminded about the difference between needs and wants. Jesus said that we will be taken care of. I have to rest in that. I have to trust my husband to meet my needs. After being single for so long I forget sometimes that there is another person in the equation, and I just do.

It is late and I haven't updated on what I've learned from being married, so here it is.

1. Others first makes life better

2. Jesus as your headship, makes putting others easier. In fact, I can't do it with out Christ. I couldn't do anything without Christ.

3. No is not a bad word. In fact, Nate and I are learning to say it. No we can't go, we are staying home. :)

Next post: Warrior Dash - Lessons from the battle field.

Pride is tastes like liver

Pride tastes like liver. Liver tastes disgusting. So therefore, pride tastes disgusting. I have a pride issue. I hate that I struggle to make ends meet. I hate that I am taking debt into my marriage with Nate and he will be paying it off for me if I can't find a job soon after moving. However, God saves us from ourselves. I know this because he has saved me from myself time and time again.

My biggest fear is letting Nate down, disappointing him, or worse yet - he regrets marrying me. I have told him all of this and he has reassured me that this is not the case and has pointed me to towards God. I love this about my future husband. He loves Christ, and loves me. He puts Christ first, which means that his leadership of us as a family is Christ centered. I know this. Will our marriage be perfect? Um... no. Will it be amazing? Yes. Why? Because Christ is our first love and he has brought us together.

I am excited to be a wife. To start this new chapter in my life. Nate knows what he is getting into. I've been very honest with him and he understands. I am who I am. I am not going to apologize for being opinionated, loud, or strong. I am not a wall flower. I don't do well just sitting. I am excited to get to know the women at the church we will be attending and to get plugged into serving.

Let's face it. I am just excited! So much of what I have been reading is about my duties as a wife. I love the woman in Proverbs 31. She is what I hope to be. It is an ideal, and I know I will fall short. I am ok with that. I only have 30 more days before I get to marry by best friend. For that I praise God because Nate is perfect for me. :)